Word: dreamboats
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...even if it's as precious and trendy as a truffle-emulsion foam. British superchef/pretty boy Jamie Oliver isn't actually naked--the title refers to his minimalist recipes--but his artfully disheveled, Prada-model looks probably didn't hamper his TV deal. To be fair, this gravy-boat dreamboat is professional and informative. But his languid preening, the jerky handheld camera and the Brit-pop sound track are enough to make you want to toss your biscotti...
...heroine of Charlotte Bront's Jane Eyre is an orphan with only enough cash for a one-way coach from fianc Edward Rochester's Thornfield estate. When hitching on Greyhound is your alternative to putting on the ring, get ready to live with a few little white lies. Dreamboat, unfortunately, doesn't deny a thing. He leads his governess-turned-love interest up the stairs to their attic, where Jane makes the acquaintance of Bertha, a homicidal maniac with a penchant for matches and a very valid marriage certificate to Rochester. This is what we in the humanities call...
...Katie Holmes, she of the angel-slut face, is there from Dawson's Creek. Sarah Polley--with Creature-from-the-Black-Lagoon eyes and a mouth born to pout (some clever director will cast her as Heather Graham's younger, savvier sister)--is a cashier. Party of Five's dreamboat Scott Wolf is in Polley's check-out line. The film isn't five minutes old and already you suspect you'll be entranced even if it stinks...
...yummy as possible. And the whole goatee-or-non-goatee dilemma. And the fact that your manager keeps insisting you enter your hotels through the front door to keep the fans at the police barricades happy. It's a hard row to hoe for the turn-of-the-century dreamboat...
...your dreamboat if you can borrow his notes after flirtatiously tapping him on the shoulder in Bio lecture...