Word: elvises
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But it's different now--presidential candidates have to provide their own ceremonial trappings. If Elvis were still alive, George Bush wouldn't have had to eat pork rinds in 1988. If Elvis had lived, Michael Dukakis might be president. Sure, his eyebrows look funny, and tank helmets don't...
But then Elvis died. A great career move, yes, but the death knell for the polity. Lacking an icon to unify the nation, successful candidates used symbols to divide and conquer. Reagan had his welfare queens, Bush his Willie Horton. That shit wouldn't fly when Elvis walked the earth...
What's the solution? A New Elvis? There isn't much hope on the horizon. Madonna's exhibitionist tendency alienates many folks in middle America. Garth Brooks isn't kitschy enough and doesn't win over the gospel crowd. And Nirvana just won't cut it with the hygienic set...
So we're stuck with the King's legacy. Last year in New York City, 35 baby boys were christened Elvis by their politically astute parents. And an entrepreneur announced this summer his plans for marketing a set of 660 Elvis trading cards. We're not talking about just another...
The real question in this campaign isn't, "Are you better off than you were four years ago?" Let's not kid ourselves. What's important is, "Which candidate reminds you more of Elvis?" Granted, Reagan and Bush never thrust their respective pelvises (thank God), but look at their opponents...