Word: facebooked
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...Facebook hates babies. I found this out last night when I tried to log on as Laszlo Stein, my 3-month-old son, who has been faithfully posting adorable photos and angry commentary since his second-trimester sonogram, back when his listed interests were just kicking and drinking his own urine. In his time on Facebook, he has threatened to pee on some and cut others. He once posted - next to a photo of him gummily smiling and wearing a kimono - this response to my wife's friend Nancy's comment that she met another baby named Laszlo: "OMG! That...
...last night when I tried to log on, all I got was a page that said, "Account disabled." Now, I know Facebook has a rule that you have to be over age 13 to have an account, and I guess some loser at Facebook is paid to look for accounts with photos of people under age 13. I'm sure Facebook does this to protect kids from pedophiles, and yet the surest way for a pedophile to find a kid would be to get a job at Facebook looking for kids' accounts. (Read "Does Facebook Replace Face Time or Enhance...
...year from now, as you Facebook-stalk acquaintances from high school to see how they’ve fared away from Mommy and Daddy, your first response is likely going to be “Ew.” Why? Unfortunately for you, and for many an incoming college student before you, the dreaded Freshmen 15 is no fiction. So, take a long look in the mirror, because there’s a pretty good chance your figure won’t be looking this slim—or jacked, depending on your gender—come May. (Actually, come...
...that you’re spending your last days at home kissing fun as you know it goodbye with indulgent self-pity, perhaps rueing your decision to attend Harvard over [insert state school here]. Maybe you’ve desperately sought out all of the Class of 2013 Facebook group members with an affinity for intoxicating substances. Maybe you’ve even created a group called “The Class of 2013 Social Crew...
...Chances are that you’ll never actually party with these people, you’ll regret creating that Facebook group, and you’ll never venture into Boston this year. (If you do, bouncers will laugh in your face as you try to sweet talk your way into bar.) But you will have fun, we promise...