Word: fatted
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...could not help noticing something puzzling about the Fish Filet On A Roll. No, it was not slithering off of the counter and attacking Dining Service personnel. Rather, the impudent filet challenged the oldest principles of mathematics by proclaiming that it obtained 102.1 percent of its calories from fat. In other words, there were more calories from fat than there were total calories in the food. Like some entertainment-industry "synergy" mergers, the part was greater than the sum of the wholes...
...filet was not all that was fishy. Most calorie counters would have confidence that the Tater Tots would break the 100-percent mark (official records clocked them at 123.6), but some seemingly innocent foods also showed their unhealthy hidden natures: the Refried Beans had 105.1 percent calories from fat, the Vegetarian Chili (VGN) had 110.2 percent, and even the Tortilla Chips reached an artery-clogging 113.0 percent. Yet the grand prize for the day went to the Grilled Tex-Mex Vegetables (VGN), which at 203.4 percent set the new record for a ratio between zero...
...course, there were some foods with lower calories-from-fat ratios available. The U.S. Department of Agriculture advises consumers to "choose a diet that provides no more than 30 percent of total calories from fat," and the health-conscious Annenbourgeois could easily fill his or her plate with Nacho Cheese Sauce (7.5 percent) or a large mound of Taco Meat that claimed to contain no fat...
...assume that mathematics as we know it is still valid within Memorial Hall. We must look to alternate explanations for the phenomenon. Assistant Professor of Mathematics Mike J. Nakamaye, who teaches Math 25a: "Honors Advanced Calculus and Linear Algebra," has put forward one theory. "Measurements of fat content in Annenberg food undoubtedly rest on faulty linear approximation techniques," he said in an e-mail message. "To the extent that the food at Annenberg is everywhere homogeneous and nowhere differentiable, linear approximations are doomed to failure...
Unexplained physical phenomena could also be the culprits. Some say it takes more energy to chew and digest celery than one gets from eating it; what if one ingredient had negative caloric value? A celery stick topped with a mound of lard would have more calories from fat than it would total calories, and a ratio above 100 percent would be the natural result. Therefore, one should seek out foods with higher calories-from-fat ratios, since they are more likely to be made with these calorie-reducing ingredients...