Word: fee
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...stocks will outperform safer investments. And it's great that you've decided to go the mutual-fund route, because that's almost always wiser than picking the stocks yourself. (Do yourself a favor, though," I remind them, "and choose a fund with low annual expenses and no sales fee.) But are you sure now is the time to jump in? Now, when stocks are more expensive than they have ever been in the history of the world?" (I allow myself a certain cosmic license here, for effect.) "Isn't the concept to buy low?" I ask. "And to sell...
Revenues generated by the fee could be used to repair damaged machines or purchase new equipment altogether...
...only to themselves, but also to the continued maintenance and proper functioning of the MAC. As I see it, the MAC suffers from two principal problems that stem from its excessive accessibility to the public--overcrowding and misuse. To combat these evils, I propose two reforms: First, a membership fee of say, $25 per term, would force students to think seriously about their pursuit of physical fitness, thereby discouraging dabblers and jokers from wasting time...
Admittedly, the imposition of a membership fee would be wildly unpopular, particularly in the wake of soaring tuition costs and George Bush's tax increases. What's worse, it might not produce the intended effect. Rather than reducing attendance at the MAC, such a fee might actually encourage rich students with no coordination or competence but lots of disposable income to return to the MAC more frequently and get the most for their dollar...
Which is why, in addition to a membership fee, I also propose...