Word: felix
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...Aspiring writer Felix P. Johnson ’03 is comping the Lampoon for a sixth time. “It’s going to be so awesome when I’m partying with comedy legends Conan O’ Brien, John Updike and Steven Hely,” Felix shouted hopefully. Good thing his essay, “The Food at Annenberg Tasted Bad When I Ate It” should be the funniest thing the Lampoon has published in years...
...Felix P. Johnson ’03 wants to know if you’ve met his friend Deez. Deez who? “Deez nutz!” he says...
...After yet another girl jerked him around, Felix P. Johnson ’03 channeled his frustrations toward a 1,000-piece Velásquez jigsaw puzzle. “One bitch, many faces,” he muttered over and over to himself. “And where the fuck does this fucking blue piece with a yellow spot go? Fuck you, bitch! You said you loved...
...break Science B-29 lecture delivered by Professor Richard Wrangham focused on the similarities in mating patterns between humans and hamadryas baboons. An extremely baked John P. Felix ’03, attending his last lecture before heading off to Cancun for vacation, was somehow left with the idea that Wrangham was encouraging baboon-human crossbreeding. Felix is currently being held in a small cell near the Cancun Zoo primate house as confused prosecutors attempt to figure out exactly which statutes prohibit ape-raping...
...were detained and more arrests are expected. PORTUGAL School for Scandal Prime Minister José Manuel Dur?o Barroso ordered an investigation into claims of a high-level cover-up of 30 years of sex abuse at the Casa Pia, the country's biggest school for deprived children. Families Minister Felix Bagão sacked the school's administration, and its employee Carlos Silvino was arrested and charged with being a pedophile and using children for prostitution. The announcement followed claims by former Families Minister Maria Teresa Costa Machado that Silvino procured children for a ring of top people including diplomats...