Word: fellowships
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...course, not even a lousy fellowship is ever as bad as an actual job, which is why I recommend you ignore all the above drawbacks and start filling out applications like crazy. First, however, you'll have to decide which fellowships are worth trying for. Some general guidelines...
...more WASPy the name of the fellowship, the better. Fellowships with ultra-WASPy names were all created a long time ago by wealthy patrician families, who made them extremely generous since they'd be won by one of their children anyway...
Avoid any fellowship that requires you to be fluent in French, as this may indicate that the fellowship sends you to France...
...Fellowships can be objectively compared by assigning each one a numerical score using the formula D=3t/l2 + 7f3, where d is the desireability of the fellowship, t is the average yearly temperature where it sends you, l is the length of its application, and f is the amount of frequent flier miles you'll accumulate...
...hate everyone else who's applying for a particular fellowship, you can be certain that that fellowship is just perfect...