Word: ferne
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...little band of murderous fern seekers are students at Hampden, a small, very liberal arts college in Vermont. Acute, cerebral and tasteful to a fault, the group have become acolytes of an eccentric Greek scholar who demands that what few pupils he takes study only his curriculum. There is Henry, rich, seductive, depraved; Francis, a homosexual with a very convenient house in the nearby hills; Athena-like Camilla and her twin Charles. Charles drinks too much, but then they all do, including Bunny, the feckless, unreliable...
...just one of several classic Carson routines that are being trotted out for a final appearance as his departure nears. Carnac the Magnificent, the turbaned answer-and-question man, showed up a few weeks ago for the last time. (Carson himself wrote more than half the gags.) Art Fern will introduce his final Tea Time movie in a bit scheduled for this week. There may even be a comeback for lovable old -- old -- Aunt Blabby. But Vickers and Nicholls, a pair of laid-back Canadians in their mid-30s who joined the Carson staff in 1986, barely remember El Moldo...
...AMERICANS FLOCK to glassy stores all over the nation to buy white onepocket T-shirts and buttonfly jeans, as the owners of Bennigan's and T.G.I. Friday's sit at their fern-ensconced tables to count their millions, as another Virginia family drives away with another unassembled tan sofa from Ikea, our senses of place and identity vanish into the democratic emptiness of Gapified America...
GAPIFIED CULTURE is also destroying American sense of place. As Gapification spreads across the country, as malls everywhere pick up their Limited Express and fern-bar restaurants, locational individuality vanishes. Chili's tells us that its restaurants are "Like no place else...
JOHN JARVIS: PURE CONTOURS (MCA). Ten cuts to make the local fern bar tolerable. This Nashville keyboardist is so uncannily adept and writes such stay-put melodic riffs, he's likely to give New Age music a good name. He can certainly make it swing and even -- stand back -- rock a little...