Word: floors
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...Proper hook-ups fall between the hours of 3 a.m. and 11 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Excepting the extraordinary, after these hours you’ll probably pick up your belongings off the floor, dust yourself off, and head along on your merry...
...done? The Crimson’s advice is to go with the flow. Pace yourself: if you start too fast you’ll never live down your reputation as that skanky roommate who was caught in a G-string having a three-some on the common room floor freshman week...
...some people have Freudian complexes? Well Harvard students have complexes often so deep and carefully hidden that they only reveal themselves after several weeks of dating (“dating” is a loose term at Harvard; what I really mean is “a few dance floor makeouts and late-night texts”). Here are some of the crazies to look...
...Grab all your Harvard paraphernalia and hop on the bus down to New Haven. There you will aimlessly wander the Yale campus in search of a party (remember freshman week?) and then spend the night sleeping on the floor of your roommate’s cousin’s high school girlfriend. Wake up early the next morning to hobnob with tweedy alums whose names end in Roman numerals; the champagne they have at their tailgates is infinitely better than the boxed wine the Houses are passing out. Maybe even try to make it from the tailgate to the stadium...
...until the motion-activated lights in the stacks went off, leaving me reading about devil worship in a subterranean blackout that I panicked. Grabbing my belongings, I booked it up the stairs, too terrified to wait for the elevator. As I burst back onto the main floor, panting and sweating, I thanked God I was alive and not being forced to drink blood of small woodland creatures. I then spent the remainder of my afternoon reading this book cover-to-cover in the safe and well-lit periodicals room...