Word: forks
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...eyes bulged, her mouth dropped, she put down her fork. She demanded, "You volunteer where?" I won't ever forget my aunt's reaction to my decision to volunteer at the Suffolk Country House of Corrections. Through the Harvard Prisoner Education Program, approximately 35 students drive in a van to a medium security prison to tutor inmates. One Harvard student is paired with one inmate, a relationship which ideally lasts throughout the stay of the inmate. The curriculum ranges from basic math to advanced calculus, depending on the skill level of the tutee...
...child care into nasty porn hubs. The problem is that most search engines aren't smart enough to separate the meat from the spam. Last week a start-up called Goto offered the perfect capitalistic solution: goto.com the search engine that ranks sites by what they're willing to fork over. If Chrysler pays Goto more than Ford, it'll pop up first when you hunt for a good deal on a new car. And because smut sites are too cheap (or popular) to pay for promotion, you won't see Pamela Lee. Unless, of course...
What's more, the legend of the Solution has its own Harvard Angle: The conventional wisdom, as I have received it, is that just as consulting firms target the nation's elite colleges, so sperm banks are willing to fork over exorbitantly large sums of money to tomorrow's leaders. In a fortuitous marriage of Darwinian and free-market pressures, the argument continues, Harvard semen is a hot commodity: Why make your child with any old sperm, the advertising jingle might go, when, for just a bit more, you can conceive a Harvard baby...
...during your exam, perhaps you begin examining ordinary objects as if they were quite extraordinary, noticing with tremendous interest the edges of the seat in front of you or the chew-marks on your pencil. But by noon, people are laughing at you at lunch as you contemplate your fork, completely oblivious to anything they've said for the previous 20 minutes. After lunch comes that gap in the day that you have been longing for, those available four hours when you can crawl back into your room and sleep without dreams. The sleep of an insomniac is like...
...Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) -- if you can get it without paying Disney's $89.95 you-can-only-rent-this-two-weeks-a-decade plan. But let's keep these little mites out of the mines, shall we? And if the McCaughey trust fund won't fork over for Don LaPre's tapes, the over-fertilized parents can turn to two true tales of family business: The Seven Little Foys (1955), which obviously got director Mel Shavelson the Fonda/Ball gig, or--need CP say it? The Sound of Music (1965). Eidelweiss, everyone, and happy viewing...