Word: freshmanic
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Good morning, graduates, and congratulations. It's hard to believe how far you've come since freshman orientation, when you didn't even know the difference between the historical tyranny of patriarchal norms and the tyrannical patriarchy of normative historicity. [Pause for knowing laughter.] We hope these four years have been not just enlightening but also joyful, invigorating, even--dare we say--as lusty as a May meadow. Because, baby, the party's over. [Pause for rueful laughter...
...instead of 10 p.m. Instead of having two free weeks to prepare before completing your most difficult tasks, you will have only 10 days, and all classes—not just language classes—will meet during reading period. Your first year at work, unlike your freshman seminar, will be graded. All police departments are not like HUPD. After you are caught breaking the law, they will not bring you back to your room to help destroy the evidence and smooth things out with the Ad Board. (Thanks, Officer Thompson. You were right: it was mostly placenta anyway.)Still...
...Manage a baseball team without letting anyone else know. 8. Host something in your room called a “crotch party.” Don’t tell anyone what it is. Just send out a Facebook invitation to everyone you know, including that girl from freshman year in Lionel who you never talked to after puking while hooking up. 9. Live every week like it’s shark week for one week. 10. Commit a crime, and then watch cops, and then watch yourself on cops. Meta. 11. Walk around to your classes all day wearing...
...doctor at all. It would take the death of a close friend to convince Rosenthal to pursue a career in medicine. Instead, upon moving into his Thayer Hall residence, Rosenthal imagined himself becoming a teacher after graduation. Sylvester Sterioff, Jr. ’59, Rosenthal’s freshman year roommate—who is now a doctor—does not recall talking about medicine with Rosenthal while the two lived together in Thayer. Instead, he recalls Rosenthal’s excellence in academics and in track as a hurdler, and describes Rosenthal as an “extremely...
...Richmond, Ky., on August 23, 2008—a date they said they picked because it was the only one that worked with their schedules of working in their labs, studying for the MCATS, and DeCoste-Lopez’s brother’s start date for his freshman year at Transylvania University. The ceremony displayed a fusion of the bride’s and groom’s disparate cultural backgrounds. Because Lopez’s family is Catholic and primarily Spanish-speaking and DeCoste-Lopez’s family is Protestant and English-speaking, the wedding alternated between...