Word: friendlies
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...sure picking a presidential candidate on the basis of what he's done or what he says is a great method--if you're 70 and have nothing but free time. I'm making my choice the more efficient way: MySpace. Whichever candidate is best at being my friend gets my vote. It worked for high school elections, and now it will work for the Leader of the Free World...
...went to the MySpace pages of all 18 candidates from the two major parties and asked them to be my friend. All accepted my friendship within hours (Republicans Mike Huckabee and Jim Gilmore even left comments on my site: "Thanks for the add!"). All, that is, except Rudy Giuliani. Not only did Giuliani prevent me from seeing his site by setting his profile to private, as if he were a hot 16-year-old girl with strict parents, but--unlike the other candidates, who accepted my invitation almost immediately--Rudy has still not made me his friend after 25 days...
Since the first thing I want from a friend is someone who responds seriously to every stupid thing I say, I sent all the candidates this message: "Wassup? Jordin is totally going to win Idol! She's awesome!! So are you!! Put up some new pics. LOL ;) Why should I vote for you? I only have one vote! ROFL ;) Write back fast, Joel...
...just a few hours, Mike Gravel's spokeswoman messaged: "No time for new pics. Too busy accepting new friends. To save the world. It's the only thing that can, so please use it wisely." Although I have no idea what she meant, I liked the Gravel spirit. Sam Brownback's spokesman wrote back: "New pics, you say? Hmmm ... ok. I think we will. Hope you feel special when we put up a new default picture! ;)" This was the kind of friend I wanted. Someone I could influence...
...also important that my friends be willing to broadcast my thoughts to their other friends. So I sent a comment for the candidates to put on their sites: "Dude, you rock! Throw some phat parties in that White House next year, yo!! You could probably get Eminem to play! I'd totally come to that!" In two hours, the comment was up on my pal Brownback's site and also on the pages of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney, Dennis Kucinich, Duncan Hunter and Chris Dodd. I was taken with Dodd since his page includes his iPod playlists...