Word: frosh
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...Fearless Frosh...
Freshman Mary Cist, one of five frosh who competed for Harvard, opened up the masscare with a 3-1 thrashing of Suzie Moore, 15-8, 12-15, 15-6, 15-10, which set the tone for the rest...
...complete exposition of my frosh disasters would be only slightly longer than War and Peace, so I will just touch on the highlights, the "Nine Circles of Freshman Hell" that await the unwary traveler. True, I missed out on three of the circles; perhaps that's why I am still around to tell the tale...
Nevertheless, I managed to detest one of my "roommates" as much as if I actually lived with him. I shall call him Alan. He was a blond, blue-eyed bisexual from Long Island, a high cheekboned boy wonder at whose door many a frosh female threw herself. In one month he used up as many Trojans as I had in my entire life. That we shared a thin wall is indubitable proof, I think, of one of the following two propositions: (1) there is a God, and He is a Bastard; or, (2) Harvard matches roommates to maximize malice...
Below the varsity level, both of Harvard's JV crews are early favorites on the strength of undefeated records. The heavyweight freshman are also yet to lose and are seeded first. The heavy frosh have taken the Sprints for three consequtive years. The lightweight yardlings dropped a contest by three seconds to Princeton at H-Y-P's, and are seeded second behind the Tigers...