Word: froshes
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...Swab #2 was the reason why almost all of us are here today--John Harvard's lucky foot. Every pre-frosh, tourist and passerby unaware of J.H.'s double-duty as a piss-post has rubbed this blessed appendage...
...discovered later, to my extreme surprise, that I couldn't do it. You have to realize that over the course of my FM career, I've poked fun at florists, motorcycle enthusiasts, carnival workers and pre-frosh, just to name a few. Disparaging consultants should be easy by comparison. Consider: Investment bankers spend 18 hours a day entering numbers into spreadsheets. They "analyze data" and "run regressions." Consultants "work in teams" and "brainstorm." They figure out how to "streamline" and "trim the fat." "Let's get back to basics," they might say, pointing to a 3-D pie chart...
...intellectual high school senior probably self-selects away from Harvard and toward schools like Swarthmore. Imagine what you would think of a student who showed up as a pre-frosh and asked when the last time you were up late struggling with Wittgenstein's theories of games or Weber's predictions for the future of civilization--not just writing a response paper after skimming half the book, but really considering the challenges posed by these thinkers. Imagine if they asked if the triumphs and catastrophes, big and small, we face every day, even if we rush by and pretend...
Thanks to the large yellow eyesore towering almost 200 feet over the Yard, it's no secret that some serious work is being done to Widener Library. And if you remember all the fun facts from your pre-frosh Crimson Key campus tour, you should know that renovations to this library come with some major strings attached. Take, for instance, the stipulations that "not a brick, stone, or piece of mortar [could] be changed" on the completed building, and that no structures could be erected in the light courts at the center of the building...
...more immediately, these young teams will square off with arch-rival Yale in a dual meet on Friday in New Haven. Led by seasoned upperclassmen, while revitalized by a large handful of upstart frosh, these Harvard teams expect to do quite well, perhaps as a sign of the many successful things to come...