Word: functional
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Doonan is with Barney's still and couldn't kiss enough ass, but the "inordinate amount of complimentary text," he leads us to believe, is more a function of the "fabulousness" of Barney's on every scale than his need to stay on the payroll. In an aside, Doonan alerts us to the impending effusive text, and writes, "This disclaimer... is designed to forewarn critics and urbane sophisticates who are not used to people saying nice things." Before you can even say anything smartass, you snap your jaws shut in shame...
People know a good story when they hear one. We are a narrative species: our brains function as storytelling organs in our frontal lobes, which, say neuroscientists, distinguish us from other animals. Evolution is a story, a beauty. We're stories as individuals; our DNA writes the plot, sometimes the theme. It is thought that children acquire language to tell the story that is already in them. Only a few weeks ago, the pure-science linguist Noam Chomsky, in another change of mind, said he now thinks a divine power gave us language in a single, inspired stroke...
...allegations. As you know, there are two kinds of FBI files: raw and refined. Raw files, which should be taken with a fresh acidic wine such as Muscadet or Sancerre, contain the most salacious and lewd rumors gleaned from the most untrustworthy and reprehensible scum on earth. Their original function was to provide amusing bedtime reading for J. Edgar Hoover (which is why he kept them in the bureau). Today they enable the FBI to keep U.S. crime statistics low by threatening to give the media the raw files of anyone even thinking about going...
...study out last week examined the respiratory health of bartenders in California before and after smoking was banned in bars earlier this year. The finding? Just two months after the ban took effect, 59% of bartenders said their wheezing, coughing and other respiratory problems had cleared up. Lung function--a measure of the rate of breathing and volume of air exhaled--also improved...
While we agree with the staff's support of the strike against Iraq, their criticism of impeachment is unreasonable. The impeachment proceedings have not been a debilitating distraction. On the contrary, yesterday's well-executed military action is clear proof that the government continues to function smoothly even while the House proceeds with the Constitutional process of impeachment...