Word: fur
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...awoke early -- too early, barely able to breathe. There was fur in my mouth and an ominous purring sound in my ears. It was Sakhmet, the family cat, sitting on my face. Might today be the Twelfth of Tybi, which commemorates the massacre perpetrated by the Feline Goddess of ancient Egypt? It was too horrible to contemplate. "Get out of here, Sakhmet!" I shouted, sitting bolt upright. My wife Libra opened an eye. Her scales of justice, as usual, were at the ready. "About your behavior at the party last night...
...North Woods cabin, Nice Guy John Candy and his family encounter every unimaginative pestilence: bats, raccoons, stubborn horses, runaway water skis, acid indigestion, puppy love. And, worst of all, a plague of relatives led by Slime King Dan Aykroyd. The comic climax comes when a bear gets its buttocks fur blown off by a shotgun. Anyone out there laughing...
...with the American Express card. In Paris she asked Yves Saint Laurent for a bottle of his perfume Opium ($175 an ounce) and received it free. In London she canceled a visit to the tomb of Karl Marx for a chance to see the crown jewels. She owns four fur coats and wore three of them in one day in Washington. Mikhail Gorbachev was once overheard quipping, "That woman costs me not only a lot of money but also a lot of worry." Seeing her in several outfits a day, some Soviet women, who often have to line...
...national pastime, fish and all. My favorite item is a T shirt showing me in X-ray glasses saying to passersby, "Hey, nice underwear." Haaah! I kill me! All in all, I am the busiest long-shnozzed, four-toothed, 3-ft. 2-in. creature with burnt-siena fur anywhere on earth. Of course, there aren't many talking life forms here that look like me. I am continually being mistaken for an anteater, a dwarf orangutan or an aardvark, which on Melmac we encountered only in crossword puzzles...
...hidden, and learn everything I know about the world from TV, I constitute some sort of commentary on what children learn from watching the box. Another idea is that I am sort of a metaphorical child myself, but treated more honestly than these sentimental earthlings would treat anyone without fur. Emotionally, they say, I am like a gifted eight-year-old, inclined to get into trouble because I am smart and energetic, even if my intentions are good. The people who push this idea say that in about half the shows I am bored, frustrated or hurt and trying...