Word: glamourous
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...their palate, I’ve come to expect that ads and how-to’s will feature great products and tips for everyone who is lighter than, say, a paper bag. After just about a year of mindless investigation into the highs and lows of Glamour magazine, I felt justified in calling this particular omission to the attention of my readers and received positive feedback both from those who are similarly slighted by the cosmetics industry and from those who were made newly aware of my annoying little plight after reading the column...
...stop at caramel. Rather they take that caramel color and shine it up a bit, give it a one-part-sun-kissed-sweat-mixed-with-two-parts-South-of-France-glow for a metallic, odd-looking color aptly named bronze. As I read the June issue of Glamour, it seemed that a race of she-bots stared back at me, their bronze metallic skin glowing in the studio-filtered sun, their blonde hair only slightly lighter than their newly tanned skin. All of the winter pale models with their milky white skin had been dipped in vats of gold paint...
With its prescriptive fashion tips and underhanded exclusion of anyone who isn’t picture-perfect, mags like Glamour are something of a guilty pleasure. I tell myself that reading them does nothing to my self-esteem; I’m a confident, healthy young woman who has better things to do than measure her waistline or weekend planner by the monthly dos and don’ts page. I find the advice absurd and the trends contradictory from one issue to another. Writing this column has allowed me to scrutinize this harmless habit of mine until...
Parting’s sweet sorrow will be a bit less sour, however, because the June issue’s cover seems a gross mockery of itself. It’s almost like the Lampoon suddenly got funny and did a parody of Glamour just in time for summer. To begin with, the cover is a dizzying mix of colors that should not be paired, even if it is the triumphant return of everyone’s favorite season. Calista Flockhart (who is dating Harrison Ford…yes, this is a strange world) is adorning the cover...
...stood at the magazine rack for the last time, preparing to buy the Glamour that would give rise to my last column, the covers of less popsicle-bright mags called out to me, or better yet the distant memory of a good book that I’ve put of reading...