Word: gorillaed
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Another of man's big (and probably dumb) relatives turned up last week. Dr. Robert Broom, 83, paleontologist of the Transvaal Museum, cabled to the University of California that he had found the gigantic teeth and massive lower jaw of an apeman far bigger than a modern gorilla. Dug out of a limestone cave at Swartkrans, near Johannesburg, the teeth and jaw are definitely human, rather than apelike. Their original owner (who will now be called "Swartkrans Man") must have looked something like the huge primates, Meganthropus and Gigantopithecus, whose teeth were found in Java and China some years...
...Abner know, Fleegle, a saturnine resident of Brooklyn, has eyes of compelling power. Mother Nature, in a misguided moment, endowed him with the ability to transmit visual whammies. A single whammy can stop a policeman in his tracks. Slightly stronger whammies will tame a gorilla or stun a herd of oxen. Rarely, only rarely, does Fleegle loose the lightning bolt of a double whammy, which is powerful enough to heat a city the size of Wilkes-Barre...
...seldom glanced at the Scoreboard. They paid to see the famed Negro team do their tricks (rolling the ball down their arms, through the enemy's legs, or lining up in formation like a football team). The team's star: Reece ("Goose") Tatum, whose huge hands dangle gorilla-fashion almost to his knees, and who handles a basketball the way most people handle an orange. The problem was to find a good enough team to make Tatum & Co. settle down to serious basketball...
Proud, tubby little Andy Varipapa, at 53 the oldest man in the tournament, liked to puff out his gorilla chest and announce that he is the world's greatest bowler (TIME, May 5). A good many of the experts disagreed. They would rather bet their money on glum, gum-chewing Joe Wilman, 41, who was bowling man of the year in 1946 and went about his trade in very businesslike fashion. In Chicago's drafty Madison Street Armory last week, Andy and Joe staged a seesaw duel that made the bowling experts forget anything they had seen before...
Grenadine's father was believed to be "the bastard son of an English King who had despoiled a Scottish maid between the act of shooting grouse and angling for landlocked salmon." Grenadine, herself part Negro with Creole trimmings, grows up with a gorilla for a playmate; her first word, at seven months, is "man." She marries the governor of Havana, then becomes a slave trader, millionaire racehorse owner, inventor of the cigaret and, after the first 100 pages, dull to read about. Merely exaggerating the absurd is no sure way to hilarity; satire must make its own kind...