Word: gottman
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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Just a few months before John Gottman, a leading American marriage researcher and psychologist, was to be married, his father died, leaving Gottman to contend with overwhelming loss during what should have been one of the happiest times of his life. No one would have blamed him for putting the wedding on hold. But in the end, Gottman says, the strain of dealing with his grief made him that much more devoted to his future bride. "My wife helped me through it," he says. "I was able to cope with the loss, and it was really a bonding experience...
...into an unshakable us-vs.-the-world resolve. Data from the Great Depression suggest, for instance, that economic adversity held many couples together. "Those families who were cohesive before the Depression, they banded together as a team and really became more cohesive in dealing with the economic crisis," says Gottman - surely good news for the untold numbers of newlyweds who have faced job loss or foreclosure in the past year. (Read Tiffany Sharples' Wellness blog on TIME.com...
...those unlucky couples whose early years are marked by nothing but peace and happiness - what is their litmus test? There are two key predictors of a resilient relationship, experts say: mutual support and a willingness to sacrifice. In a recent study of newlyweds who became first-time parents, Gottman found that two-thirds suffered sharp drops in happiness during their child's infancy, under the strain of new parenthood. But for one-third of couples, the experience was cohesive and increased intimacy. Gottman says he could predict which couples would blossom under stress: those in whom, years before...
...hired did not encourage us to repair. She didn't have to. Our relationship had become so etiolated and dull that we didn't even have proper fights. We carried an aura of passivity, and the therapist wanted to see passion. She was smart to ask for it. Gottman, Levenson and their colleagues found that gays and lesbians who exhibit more tension during disagreements are more satisfied with their relationships than those who remain unruffled. For straight people, higher heart rates during squabbles were associated with lower relationship satisfaction. For gays and lesbians, it was just the opposite. Gays conduct...
...nonverbal cues like eye-rolling lead to increases in cortisol and decreases in immune function and even wound-healing. The effects were observed in both sexes, but particularly strongly in women. The eye-rolling studies go even deeper than that, with related research conducted by marital expert John Gottman of the Gottman Institute in Seattle revealing just how sensitive spouses are to such nonverbal signs of disdain or dismissal. Coan, who has collaborated with Gottman, says: "How often someone rolls their eyes at you can predict how often you need to go to the doctor...