Word: grandpas
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...Nebraska 1888-election year, git the topicality? Grandpa composes a real rip-snortin' campaign song for Cleveland (Let's Put It Over with Grover) and every dang one of his relations accompanies him on a instrument. There's Mom (Janet Blair), Dad (Buddy Ebsen) and eight kids so durn sweet you could eat 'em up, cep'n they'd cause diabetes. Wai, 'fore you know it everybody's bein' as colorful as a cartoon, droppin' g's, singin' passels of ungrammatical songs (" 'bout you, 'bout...
...someone'd turn up and ruin it all? He's John Davidson, a singin' journalist-they're the wust kind-who finds the shiny-eyed eldest daughter (Lesley Ann Warren) to his likin'. Trouble is, the boy's a Ree-publican, and Democrat Grandpa finds him ree-voltin' Eventually Davidson talks the family into drivin' their folks' wagon on down to his home in Dakota, but that don't make no never mind. It's feudin' and fightin' soon's they git there. The young lovers...
...have diversified into a variety of musical instruments, but Aeolian has stuck to its specialty and produced some 700 kinds of pianos, more than any other company. For all its wide range, there is no compromise with tradition. As one Aeolian executive describes piano-making: "Anything different from what Grandpa built is suspect...
Lady Bird Johnson, who stood by in the hospital during her daughter's six hours' labor and delivery, immediately telephoned the news to her husband at the White House and was joshed about "being a grandma." Hearing about his son-in-law's elephant joke, Grandpa Johnson wired Luci: "I am happy for you and Patrick Sr., and Patrick Lyndon. Our best Hereford heifer is being curried for delivery, consigned to your 9-lb. son, who incidentally I know doesn't look like a donkey, and I hope that his father will quit publicizing...
...gumshoe and then rattles the bones triumphantly in the face of the relative who stands to writhe most at the memory. Auntie-hysterical, nymphomaniacal-finally kills herself. Great-aunt Penelope guards her virginity with a loaded gun. Uncle Willie drops in on the family at 4 a.m. to touch Grandpa for a fiver and then dashes off. Not a bit too soon, either, since he is wanted on indecent-exposure charges and is eventually caught for kidnaping a pretty little boy disguised as a pretty little girl...