Word: grief
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Dates: during 1970-1979
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Forbidden Subjects. If feelings such as fear, disappointment, envy and grief are concealed, Paul believes, they are distilled and passed on from generation to generation. "As each new set of parents accords its young the treatment it received earlier," he says, "every child is left to traverse life's problems alone." What both young and old need to break out of that pattern, he suggests, is profound empathy...
Crippling Grief. In one case, a 39-year-old journalist named Lewis, about to divorce his wife to marry a young girl, had broken down in sobs as he recalled his grief over the death of his beloved Aunt Anna. "She was always accepting me as I am. Being with her was like peace," he explained. Reviewing his childhood sorrow as his wife listened, Lewis recognized that his girl friend represented the goal of his lifelong search for another Aunt Anna. This led him to return to his wife, now more understanding because she had shared his secret feelings...
Since then, Paul has used the Lewis tape to diagnose hidden, crippling grief in other families. A brusque father whose son William was in emotional trouble got "a feeling of being half lost" when he heard Lewis' sobs. Then, says Paul, "he recollected the time when he himself had felt intense grief"-when his father remarried. Then, Paul helped him reconstruct what he knew but had blocked off: that when he was four, his mother had killed both his nine-month-old sister and herself. Because he had repressed his sorrow instead of facing it, he had never recovered...
...barreling a large sedan. "We're gonna crush your crappy little boat!" cries the man's wife, as Mrs. Jones skillfully mars the word Kuddle with her paddle. In Delaware, Jones accidentally splits his wife's scalp with an anchor, and later nearly comes to grief against a drawbridge as a guest on a Chinese junk manned by incompetents and flying a masturbating pet monkey from its masthead...
...with him from 1919 to 1927, and another painter, Janice Biala, who stayed from 1930 until his death in 1939 at the age of 66. "When Ford wanted anything," Stella wrote, "he filled the sky with an immense ache that had the awful simplicity of a child's grief...