Word: grief
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...almost always an anguishing experience to lose a spouse, and it would seem even harder to lose a partner after you have shared a particularly close and successful marriage. So it may come as a surprise to learn that while the initial grief can be profound, people who have had happy relationships often find it easier to go on with the rest of their life once they have mourned their mate. At least those are the findings reported in Spousal Bereavement in Late Life, a book based on a longitudinal study of 1,500 older married couples. "We found that...
Experts agree that a major contributor to resiliency during grief is the same strong interpersonal skills used to build a successful relationship in the first place. Unlike survivors of conflicted relationships, who may experience relief on the death of their spouse but find themselves mired in guilt and regret about what might have been, researchers say, widows and widowers often find it easier to move on from a happy relationship because they feel as though they and their partner had fulfilled their dreams and goals...
...Grief, of course, varies from individual to individual, but "in good relationships, couples tend to talk about their lives together, their hopes for each other, even end-of-life issues," says Paul Metzler, director of public education and community bereavement services for Hospice of Visiting Nurse Service of New York. "There's little left unsaid, so there's no confusion about what someone would have wanted or hoped for the surviving spouse." Also, it's often easier for widows and widowers with good social skills to seek and accept help from friends, work or church colleagues, adult kids or even...
Even for the most resilient survivors, however, time can't heal all wounds. "Time only passes," says Russell Friedman, a co-author of The Grief Recovery Handbook. "It's action that provides the opportunity for change." Limerick found hers through exercise. Instead of crying during her nightly Marty Robbins sessions, she began exercising to the music. "I was totally out of shape, and I started doing jumping jacks to the mournful song," she recalls. "It felt really good." Limerick continued to lean on her friends but found different ways to be with them. One took her shopping...
...panel that is supposed to make recommendations about what to do in Iraq. And then the former President talked some more: "If I were to suggest what they ought to do, it just would not be constructive and certainly would not be helpful to the President. It would cause grief...