Word: groanings
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Conspiracy of Hearts (Rank; Paramount), an Easter hare from Britain that should have a grand run on the big U.S. circuits, is one of those mercifully rare, inexcusably entertaining sentimental melodramas that leave the customers wondering whether to scream, sob, sniffle, snicker, groan or have a heart attack. In this case, they will probably do a bit of everything, and wind up blissfully bushed by the mightiest emotional binge of the cinema season...
...great postwar exodus to Suburbia has scattered commuters through the U.S. countryside surrounding great cities, put a crippling strain on the arteries that feed the metropolises. A few foreign cities also have problems in handling the commuter torrent: London and Paris groan beneath its weight, Tokyo hires students to push commuters tightly into rush-hour trains, and Calcutta's commuter rails are so crowded that people ride prone on the roofs of coaches. But in the U.S., the nationwide flight to the suburbs has created a huge problem for almost every major city. And the problem...
...inmate ekes out his life like an indeterminate prison sentence. Most of the attendants are too overworked and too unfeeling to do more than slap the patients into line. The wards are the circles of a neo-Dantean inferno. In Stationary, the patients are strapped into chairs to groan, curse and soil themselves through the day. In Hydro, a patient is wrapped mummy-fashion in icy wet sheets for 72 hours at a stretch. In the "untidy" wards the bedridden turn their heads obsessively from side to side, rubbing off the hair and even the skin from their scalps. Such...
...basic training. Immediate buddyhood is established among Sal Mineo, a jivey cat from Manhattan's Lower East Side; Barry Coe, an Ivy sort from Glen Cove, L.I.; and Gary Crosby, who is cast as a rich Oregon rancher's son but manages to mug, wheeze and groan like a Bing from another planet...
...bought at a record store, eliminating the need for any actual singing in the parlor, why not a night's recorded conversation, eliminating the need to talk? Possible titles: Sneer Along with Mort Sahl, Rant and Rave with Senator Eastland, Analyze with Famous Freudian and Moan and Groan with Joseph Alsop...