Word: gum
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Specialists offer a host of recommendations for warding off the weight. "Just making people aware that nicotine withdrawal may lead to an increase in their appetite is often enough to prevent them from putting on the pounds," says Chicago internist Robert Gluckman, an obesity specialist. Chewing nicotine gum to cut down the physical withdrawal from the addiction is also often advised, as is engaging in some form of aerobic exercise to help push up the metabolic rate. To satisfy the craving for sweets, Grunberg suggests, quitters should sprinkle everything, from meat to poultry to fruit, with a sugar substitute...
...more," says a soldier. "We get T rations, which are hot and a lot better than MREs." MREs, or Meals, Ready to Eat, are the soldiers' most accessible enemy. Everyone hates them. Egyptian soldiers refused them. Only ravenous Iraqi prisoners of war wolf them down -- including the chewing gum. When the milk runs out, there is pineapple drink to pour on the cornflakes...
...should retreat from earlier, more glorious methods of affixion is unclear, and Harvard students, being clever folk, have devised several ways to circumvent the problem. One favorite is to place a dab or two of poster gum around the edges of the poster, in order to give the impression that all is in accordance with College regulations, and then liberally apply masking tape closer to the middle of the poster...
...tame. One student, who spoke under the twin conditions of absolute anonymity and the gift of a large hammer, acknowledged over lunch that he pounds posters into the walls with as many staplers as he can find. "You'll never get me to believe that Bok uses poster gum in his office," he said. "The whole thing is a big joke the maintenance staff lays on us, year after year. Well, I'll show them...
CLEARLY, such extreme reactions signal the intense psychological strain that so many of us suffer from always returning to our rooms unsure of the extent of gravitational damage. We all know that poster gum is defective; anyone who tells you otherwise is either an unwitting dupe or a paid agent of the faceless forces behind the ongoing Teflon conspiracy...