Word: gum
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...wildest cards this year come from Fleer (the people who bring you Bazooka gum) and Donruss, the companies that began in 1981 after the courts ruled Topps couldn't monopolize the industry. They've both come a long...
...finally, if you go in search of non-Topps companies, don't look for bubble gum. I still can't open a pack of baseball cards without salivating, but only Topps is allowed by the courts to carry gum, which is supposedly its trademark in the card market. Fleer offers a team sticker for your lunchbox and Donruss has pieces of a 63-part Stan Musiaal jigsaw puzzle (last year's was Roberto Clemente). I've never been excited enough about the idea to put one of the puzzles together. Score, for all its pluses, includes a worthless card containing...
...could buy 364,200 pieces of Bazooka bubble gum...
Tuesday, 9--Voting is light in today's Iowa caucusses due to rumors that MTV will be broadcasting a John Cougar Mellencamp video sometime during the day, but the results are conclusive: Four out of five dentists recommended Trident for their patients who chew gum and the other 20 percent just don't care. On the political front, the big winner today is Waylon T. Pickens, who beat back a crowded field to become auditor of Cornpone Country...
...biggest bucks (wernicks to you) come from marketing. Toymakers and schlockmeisters are peddling me via 250 items with total sales above $200 million. There are storytelling dolls, skateboards, backpacks, comic books, coffee mugs, party hats, and chewing gum complete with cards for bouillabaseball -- that's right, I'm introducing our old national pastime, fish and all. My favorite item is a T shirt showing me in X-ray glasses saying to passersby, "Hey, nice underwear." Haaah! I kill me! All in all, I am the busiest long-shnozzed, four-toothed, 3-ft. 2-in. creature with burnt-siena fur anywhere...