Word: gums
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Dates: during 1980-1989
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Tuesday, 9--Voting is light in today's Iowa caucusses due to rumors that MTV will be broadcasting a John Cougar Mellencamp video sometime during the day, but the results are conclusive: Four out of five dentists recommended Trident for their patients who chew gum and the other 20 percent just don't care. On the political front, the big winner today is Waylon T. Pickens, who beat back a crowded field to become auditor of Cornpone Country...
...biggest bucks (wernicks to you) come from marketing. Toymakers and schlockmeisters are peddling me via 250 items with total sales above $200 million. There are storytelling dolls, skateboards, backpacks, comic books, coffee mugs, party hats, and chewing gum complete with cards for bouillabaseball -- that's right, I'm introducing our old national pastime, fish and all. My favorite item is a T shirt showing me in X-ray glasses saying to passersby, "Hey, nice underwear." Haaah! I kill me! All in all, I am the busiest long-shnozzed, four-toothed, 3-ft. 2-in. creature with burnt-siena fur anywhere...
...important message from Saturday's competition. The skating beauties who have won golds in the past--in part by pandering to the public's wish for a stereotype, be it elegant, cute, or sexy-have chosen careers consistent with their stage images. Peggy Fleming filmed commercials for Trident gum before moving on to sportscasting; Dorothy Hamill inspired a national hairstyle and represented a shampoo company; Katerina Witt is about to enter a career in acting and modeling. But things will be different for 1988's bronze medalist. A true sportswoman, Debbie Thomas plans to become an orthopedic surgeon, a positive...
...spring training begins this season, I won't be watching. I used to admire baseball players; errant tobacco juice never bothered me. I could chew gum and hit balls through windows just as hard as the next kid on the block. My heroes were Stan Musial, Bob Gibson, and Mickey Mantle. You know the type--all-American boys raised on wholesome farms who battled incredible odds to win lucrative endorsements from coffee and soda empires. They had great nicknames like "Dizzy," "Dynamite," and "Duke." The Yanks were my idols in pinstripes...
...have to make it as easy to buy a handgun as it is to buy bubble gum or tuna fish," she said...