Word: gums
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...levels of inspiration with funny bits like the recent Baseball Knowledge Will Not Help You Pick Up Girls. There's an archive full of Lists (Embarrassing Things That Might Happen to You While Using a Lightsaber) and Reviews of New Food (on blowing bubbles with Skittles gum: "You would have far better luck coaxing a sphere out of chewed-up crayon and oatmeal"). Affiliated with, but separate and distinct from, the quarterly print literary journal McSweeney...
...life was different. In many ways it was worse. After the U.S. Administration declared Iran part of an "axis of evil," the ruling clerics lashed out at home, enforcing social strictures with such vigor that we wouldn't leave parties without first chewing several pieces of gum to conceal the alcohol on our breath, in case we encountered a checkpoint run by Islamic paramilitaries. When the rhetoric cooled, the system turned its sights back to its angry young people and essentially decided to stanch their discontent by buying them off. While continuing to brutally suppress all political dissent, the mullahs...
...after sweating in the hot sun. How about a jelly bean? Yes, Jelly Belly promises that its new lime-green Sport Beans will combine 120 mg of electrolytes, vitamins C and E and carbohydrates that will "sustain energy level" while preventing dehydration. Jelly Belly is not alone: Blitz Energy Gum assures a boost, and Quench Gum, with its double-orange and fruit flavors, claims it will pump up your salivary glands...
...remember cutting out a magazine ad that said with $2 and some box tops they would send you a special kind of gum that had tapeworm eggs in it and when you chewed it the worms would hatch and eat up all the food you consumed. It sounded like a splendid idea to me--a way to have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. I sent in my $2 and the box tops, but the gum never materialized. When I told this story to a friend recently, she said, "You're a smart girl, Jane...
...researchers are working on scientific solutions to the sticky scourge. Graciela Padua, a food scientist at the University of Illinois, in Urbana, has developed a biodegradable gum made of zein, a corn derivative. It's costly to make but doesn't adhere to surfaces. And its flavor? "It tastes plain," Padua admits, "but you can blow big bubbles." --By Jeremy Caplan