Word: haire
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...concerned, so I took a deep breath and decided to tell her everything. "You're going to think I'm a hypochondriac," I began. "But you know, around the same time this eye problem started, I also developed these bumps along the side of my face..." I brushed my hair aside so Dr. Mehaffey could see. She looked at the bumps and then at me. "It sure looks like shingles," she said. I listed other odd things I'd noticed--the red line snaking down my forehead, the tingling sensation at the end of my nose. "It sure looks like...
...These are real men, men who have been knocked unconscious by 300-ft. linebackers and married women who starred in sitcoms that they had to pretend were funny. I did some research and found a survey by Coherent Medical Group that shows that 54% of women find excessive body hair the most bothersome male trait, while only 25% chose love handles. This made me happy, because while shaving my body seems kind of gross, I really hate working...
...kind of hairy. What others would call my waist, I call "the line of demarcation." It marks the division between my normal torso and my fur-coated lower body, like some sort of poorly conceived Greek mythical creature. I tried getting rid of some of my body hair once before, when I first started getting chest hairs and would pluck them out. I stopped not because of the pain but because my chest began to look like Manuel Noriega's face. A taut, muscular version of Noriega's face...
...obsession with body hair, unlike most of my obsessions, actually began in a rare moment when I was thinking about people other than myself. Specifically, women. You see, the thing about me that I find most lamentable, besides my hairy butt, is that I'm attracted to the wrong things in women. My head is turned by fake breasts, dyed blond hair and the excessive makeup of female rodeo clowns. So I know I shouldn't like the trend of women getting rid of nearly all their body hair. I really do believe that women's body hair should...
...apparently, society no longer expects me to take this high road. Not only is there a national chain of laser-hair-removal stores, called Vanishing Point, that runs an ad with a woman touching only a finger-sized part of her otherwise hairless body, but--I've completely forgotten the end of this sentence. I'm stuck on that "finger-sized part of her otherwise hairless body" part...