Word: handbooks
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Should you wander from the straight and narrow path in the academic realm, the Handbook has plenty of provisions for steering you back toward propriety. Heavily over committed to various athletic and social diversions, let's say, you decided to lift an article from Sports Illustrated for an essay due the next day. (True story; Boy Scouts' honor.) The only problem is that the issue is from that week, and your section leader has just finished it himself. Hello, Ad Board; hello, page 38: "In preparation of all papers and other work submitted to most course requirements, students should...
...tarry not on these grim thoughts; crass lucre is not of the essence when confronting the inauguration of your higher education. Harvard's Student Handbook and Course Catalogue, as they are known to veteran readers, are classics in the field. The former scolds and pontificates, but also explains the mysteries of that hallowed golden fleece: the diploma marked Veritas. The latter tends toward verbosity: 821 pages last year, and perhaps bulkier still when re-released September 8. Its strength lies in a vast scope combined subtly with a scrupulous dedication to detail...
BEGIN YOUR PREPARATION with the Handbook,the College's version of Mao's Little Red Tome or Khaddafi's Green Book of Wisdom. Herein are the rules and regulations, the explanations of philosophy and practice, the words of wisdom and warning. The Handbook needs a context, for standing on its own, its directives seem distant and artificial. Imagine, therefore, the party to end all parties: the beer flows merrily from countless kegs; the stereo hum rumbles throughout the entire dorm; people are dancing; the furniture is flying; and Harvard seems a million miles away. Someone downstairs with a Chem...
...Student Handbook, page 52: "A noisy or disorderly occupant of a room in a dormitory under University supervision may be dismissed from the building and barred from residence in any other dormitory...Radios, television sets, phonographs, and other audible equipment shall be adjusted so as not to disturb others...No students shall play boisterous games [e.g. dodge ball with the living room couch] in the Yard, in corridors, etc." Dragged in front of the College's disciplinary Administrative Board, you will be asked to explain everything, from the guy in the lampshade to the beer consumed by underage revelers...
First-time offenders often slither away unscathed; the Ad Board isn't nearly as tough as the Handbook makes it out to be. Career miscreants, will, however, eventually find themselves facing disciplinary probation (no extra-curriculars, no fun), and then an obligatory year's vacation from Cambridge with an option to return reformed. With about one expulsion per year, "You practically have to kill someone to get thrown out altogether," as one ranking Ad Board member put it recently...