Word: hewitt
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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According to the student handbook, serious disciplinary cases are first referred to the Dean's Council, which consists of Summer School Dean Peter Buck, Dean of Students Christopher Queen, Director of the SSP Elizabeth Chapman Hewitt and the SSP's assistant deans...
...ESOP FABLE Before you plunk down your hard-earned cash to invest in a company, you might want to find out if its employees are doing the same. According to a new study by Hewitt Associates, firms that offer employee stock-ownership plans (ESOPs) outperform their industry peers handily. Though more firms now offer stock options to lure new hires, 1,000 public companies (and 9,000 private ones) currently motivate workers with ESOPs. They include such companies as UAL, BellSouth, Allied Signal, Merrill Lynch and Procter & Gamble...
...would become the darling of the Boston Globe, my hometown newspaper the Monitor, and every supermarket tabloid in existence. The Crimson would practically circulate around me for at least a semester. Headlines would range from, "Psycho Senior Holds Kiosk Roast" to "Rodriguez protests, 'I'm Still Not Sorry!" to "Hewitt Visits Harvard in Anti-Arson Platform." Editorial letters that either give shame to my very existence or staunchly fight for my rights to burn would run nonstop. Gradually, a cult following would be built around me. The members would sing songs of peace outside the Ad Board office...
...Board. I would then have to suffer through a mixture, furious glares from people screaming, "How dare you destroy Harvard property!," uncontrollable giggles from people snickering, "How stupid could you be to set a kiosk on fire?" and rampant rage from people hollering, "How can you hate Jennifer Love Hewitt...
...this, just for hating Jennifer Love Hewitt. Sarah A. Rodriguez '99 is an English concentrator in Winthrop House. Her column will appear on alternate Mondays...