Word: hypochondriac
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...doctors in training, nurses and medical journalists, hypochondria is an occupational hazard. The feeling usually passes after a while, leaving only a funny story to tell at a dinner party. But for the tens of thousands who suffer from true hypochondria, it's no joke. Hypochondriacs live in constant terror that they are dying of some awful disease, or even several awful diseases at once. Doctors can assure them that there's nothing wrong, but since the cough or the pain is real, the assurances fall on deaf ears. And because no physician or test can offer a 100% guarantee...
...down long ago. The lead characters include Dr. Hook, played by long-lost Brat Packer Andrew McCarthy, a "brilliant" surgeon who isn't so brilliant that he can find a home outside the hospital basement or a hobby outside of collecting scalpels. Diane Ladd is Mrs. Druse, a "psychic hypochondriac." Bruce Davison plays Dr. Stegman, a hopelessly incompetent yet arrogant doctor. Naturally, the spirits of the child workers who died in the fire lurk in the corridors; naturally, the living characters foolishly ignore them...
...Whom the Southern Bell Tolls, a parody of Tennessee Williams’ The Glass Menagerie, takes a look at a dysfunctional Southern family including a swizzle-stick obsessed, hypochondriac boy named Lawrence, played by Tom Giordano ’06, and his mother Amanda, played by Alicia Menendez ’05. Amanda states quite plainly to her son, “It’s not that I’m bitter, dear, it’s just that I hate my life...
Sure, there are some thick-necked pucksters and rafter-scratching hoopsters who would have gotten in if they were locked in the body of a pigeon-chested, sunlight-averse hypochondriac. And there are many athletes who actually do contribute to Harvard outside the gladiatorial arena. But their stories have not been trotted out in the current Harvard media coverage. Where are the sidelined athletes who made Phi Beta Kappa, who founded national sexual assault awareness groups, who were stringers for The Associated Press? You can find them if you know where to look...
...sprinkling your personality among the masses of downtrodden CS concentrators. And when you leave, follow your statistical destiny into financial services, make a lot of money and give some of it back to Harvard, where it will be distributed to the rest of us, the pigeon-chested, sunlight-averse hypochondriac Crimson columnists...