Word: jackman
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Since this was clearly the biggest, most important comedy job I'd ever get, I expected the Academy to send an official package of Oscar history, tips from past writers and a truckload of money. Instead, I got just some grainy DVDs of Jackman hosting the Tony Awards. I was starting to wonder if I was really hired by the Oscars when I found out I wasn't. It turns out the Academy hires pros like Bruce Vilanch for the presenter banter but lets the host pick his own team. This makes sense when the host is a comedian with...
...Because Jackman lives in New York City, the writers flew from Los Angeles to work out of a room at the Mandarin Oriental hotel. I was expecting to join an enormous gathering of the greatest comedy writers in the world, who would mock me with cutting barbs about my relative youth and handsomeness. Instead, there were three dudes eating Gummi Bears from the minibar. Two of them weren't even Jewish. The third was a 27-year-old who makes Web videos and got the job when he was pitching a movie idea to Jackman's company--an idea...
Luckily, all four of us had a few things in common. We hated The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and had no idea that The Reader wasn't a children's magazine. We also thought Jackman shouldn't tell any jokes and should instead open with a big musical number that references the recession. But every good concept we had we immediately killed because it reminded us of Billy Crystal. You would think that would be a good thing, since Crystal was the most beloved Oscar host ever and got the job eight times. But comedy writers are far more...
...only proof that we really were writing for the Oscars is that Jackman would visit our room for a couple of hours each day. To my surprise, the best kind of boss is a sexy boss. Jackman greeted each of us with a giant hug, which would have been a perfect test of how gay I am, except I was totally focused on making sure I wasn't crushed to death by his giant lats. So ... pretty gay. Jackman would laugh uproariously at everything we suggested, which is one of the huge advantages of writing for a noncomedian. He acted...
...clear that not only was writing for the Oscars not the hardest job of my life, it wasn't even the hardest job of my week. We brought in a guy who wrote music, and six days later, the opening number was complete. It's not bad, and when Jackman sings it, it's great. Because while we weren't smart enough to write great jokes, we were smart enough to figure out that Oscar audiences don't remember jokes. They remember whether the host set the celebratory mood, as Crystal...