Word: jeffs
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...people have an adverse reaction to Jeff's bizarre service for a number of other reasons too. They prefer to bury or cremate their pets, he thinks, because they don't want to be reminded that their own deaths are looming closer. Jeff's natural customers seem to be yuppie types who not only prefer to deny death, but would also like to deny all that is unpleasant in life. Most of those people have heard about Jeff's service through stories done on him in newspapers from as far away as Britain, and on television and radio shows...
...Still, business hasn't been that good," Jeff says. "I've only done about 200 freeze-dryings in two years. If business doesn't pick up, I might have to sell my machine to a funeral parlor. I've been negotiating with one that's thinking of using my machines in the human sector. It has this idea for 'perpetual viewing chapels...
Strangely enough, those people who have called Jeff to inquire about freeze- drying a human being have been asking not about a beloved, deceased relative but about themselves. They are people who are less interested in avoiding conventional burial and cremation than they are in striving for immortality...
...Jeff says he would never be freeze-dried himself, or buried conventionally, when he dies. He prefers cremation. "I couldn't bear to be buried in that little bitty box in the ground," he says. Until such a distant time, however, he will continue to pursue his dream: a money-making gimmick no one has ever thought of before. He's already latched on to one in the far reaches of his imagination...
...beaming. "Parents could rent 'em to sniff out their kids' rooms to see if they're hiding drugs. Big businesses could use them to sniff out the desks of employees they suspect are using drugs. That would avoid all those constitutional questions about urine testing and lie detector tests." Jeff's eyes open wide and unblinking behind his thick-lensed glasses. "Whaddaya think...