Word: jointedly
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...darling baby boy with her bitterest enemy. Dad has to negotiate ballet pickups and preteen dating policies with an ex he would rather forget. According to Isolina Ricci, author of the groundbreaking book Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Childpublished in 1980, shortly after joint custody entered the legal system10% to 12% of divorcing parents continue to be hostile after their marriage is over. Today, she says, "learning how to navigate joint custody has become a difficult but necessary rite of passage for many people trying to get past their divorce experience...
...Raising kids with joint custody means you have to stay in constant communication with a person you either a) hate, or b) still love and are therefore crushed, or c) both hate and love," explains Judy Corcoran, co-author of Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex. "There's still anger, jealousy, hurt and fear that doesn't disappear just because the marriage ended. And those feelings are constantly reignited with every disagreement and drop...
...Joint custody blues are a sign of the times, a by-product of egalitarian marriages between working moms and involved dads, replacing the old "tender years" policy, in which mothers were routinely awarded primary custody and fathers were relegated to visitation. The reasoning behind joint custody sounds sensible. Divorce is traumatic for kids; why have them suffer the additional pain of losing a parent? Moreover, studies show children do better when two parents are involved. Kids have higher self-esteem, better grades and fewer behavioral problems. Add to that deadbeat-dad prevention: fathers with joint custody are more likely...
There may be good reason to worry. Because the shared-physical-custody trend is relatively new, the outcomes of such arrangements are just beginning to be examined. A small 2002 study at Ohio State University involving 59 children and mothers found that kids in joint custody arrangements in which the parents did not get along were likely to feel sad and behave less cooperatively with others. They were also inclined to intervene in parental conflict themselves, something child psychologists strongly discourage...
...accept the fifty-fifty split and appeal endlessly to the courts for modifications, says Candice Komar, a family-law attorney in Pittsburgh. "They'll say it's in the best interest of the child to change the custody arrangement," she says. "But the truth is, often it's because joint custody is driving these parents crazy. I've had people consult me because they fight over whether their child wears a spring coat or a winter coat--and I'm not kidding...