Word: kaplan
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...Kaplan is director of child clinical services at the City University of New York. In her book, she draws on both her own studies of children and the work of other researchers, chiefly Psychoanalyst Margaret Mahler, who describes the child's efforts to establish its own identity as "a second birth" or "psychological birth" that occurs around the age of 18 months. In the first four months of life, says Kaplan, the baby is merged with the mother in "the bliss of unconditional love" that later becomes the model for adult conceptions of ecstasy and perfect union...
...months, the baby's world is in fragments. It is still not sure where its body begins and ends and does not fully realize that the mother is a separate individual. Outbursts of rage, sometimes violent ones centering on feeding, rise from this stress, Kaplan says; they result from "a vague wish to make life whole again." A parent who responds with rage just reinforces the fear of fragmentation. What the child needs, says Kaplan, is a "calming yes-saying voice," conveying assurance that its aggressive urges are not dangerous...
From ten to 15 months, the child is a high-spirited conquering hero, exploring and manipulating the physical world. It is also the period, Kaplan notes, when mothers damage daughters out of a mistaken notion that girls are more fragile than boys. If a girl is encouraged to cling, she says, "the being-done-to element in her personality isn't sufficiently balanced by the sense of mastery and active doing-to." When the mother goes out, the child is almost always depressed, but baby sitters should avoid trying to cheer the child up or distract it with...
...itself. As the child moves toward psychological birth, and the first use of the word "I," the mother's role becomes even more frustrating. If she gives in to the coercion, she undermines the child's independence. If she does not, she enforces its sense of aloneness. Kaplan's message: "The drama has no happy solutions. It is well nigh impossible for a mother to satisfy a toddler in the throes of the complex dilemmas of second birth...
...child's resolution of the oneness-separateness conflict between the ages of 18 and 36 months, says Kaplan, will shape, but not determine, the adult it will become. "To the extent that a child is trapped in imperfect reconciliation at the age of three, it will be more difficult for it to take advantage of what life offers later on, but it won't be impossible...