Word: kazoo
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CANCER: Oh, I hate that word! But, since it doesn't mean what we all think it means, I can tell you that you'll be having a great month. Learn to play the kazoo...
...pair of bagpipes from a Scottish friend (in a pinch you can do this with a kazoo and a bullhorn) and some rock-climbing gear. Climb to the roof of your building and have a roommate lower you down to a position just outside your upstairs neighbors' window while they are sleeping. Then play and sing Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody ("Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Figaro!" -that one) until the police come. Do this every morning until your neighbors buy a firearm, and your problem will be solved: You will soon be enrolled at another college or a state-run institution...
...reading list has been finalized and includes Simpson's own book, Right in the Kazoo, which discusses his occasionally-hostile dealings with the press...
...here--here, we have "Zounds!" and "Wowie-yippee-kazoo!" coming out the windows of cars with three passengers or more. Tone it down a little, Boston. Get with the times. Enjoy your multi-passenger commuter lanes and then move onto the real issues of the Boston roadway--like putting up street signs and learning how to drive...
...performance also featured a kazoo overture and free tissues for the emotionally overwrought...