Word: kegs
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Without a delicious abundance of keg beer to wash down our pre-game breakfast this Saturday, my budget-conscious friends and I have decided to bring two trusty alternatives out of retirement. After all, a handle of grandpa’s cough syrup and a case of some beasty brew will rev us up for this year’s beat down of Yale just as well as a few pints from the tap. But even if you decide not to drown a few million brain cells with the rest of us—and you can afford it, you?...
...keg ban this weekend will not prevent such tragedies, Lewis readily admits, but it will surely help, and he is baffled by the fact that so many students have argued to the contrary. HoCo chairs, the Undergraduate Council and The Crimson are so hypnotized by beer advertising, he seems to think, that they actually believe more hard liquor, suspicious punch bowls and inebriated treks across the river can counterbalance the risks of keg culture. They might as well argue against gravity before a committee of physicists. After years of experience policing kegs and seven Harvard-Yale games as Dean...
Since Harvard-Yale will, in theory, be keg-less (worst idea since Ernest Goes to Africa), it would be good to have some idea ahead of time where you’ll have gotten smashed. Despite the number of cans and bottles that will fill the tailgates this weekend, it’s still best to show up at the Stadium at least halfway there already. You never know...
...Speaking of being drunk, it’s your last chance to tailgate with all of the—uh—provisions provided. There’s no such thing as a “keg ban” at Penn. So, buy your Philly cheese steaks, bring the lawn furniture and hope for nice weather as you prepare for the game in the City of Brotherly Love...
Lastly, there is the simple reasoning that tailgating is not the same without kegs. The Game has always been about a fun rivalry and a great time, and to take a huge part of the tradition out of that time is contrary to the ideals of the event. Sure, it can be justified—the keg ban is not just some attempt to limit our fun—but the reality is that it will not change the amount of alcohol consumption, and so its intended outcome will prove a failure, and its unintended outcome—changing...