Word: kenly
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NOVEMBER. Ken's take exceeds $4 million. He gets enough write-in votes in Florida to throw the presidential election into the House of Representatives. Ken declines bipartisan appeal to serve, arguing he has no authority, citing Esoteric Constitutional Provisions for $1,600. Ratings continue to climb...
DECEMBER. Ken earns his fifth million. A rival brings War and Peace and reads during show, saying he's tired of wasting time. Millions throughout the world ring in 2005 watching Ken's face, which has replaced the ball that drops from the top of the tower of 1 Times Square. Ratings rise...
...JANUARY. Ken wins sixth million. Begins to show signs of boredom. Plays a game standing on his head; another blindfolded; another in which he phrases his responses in iambic pentameter; another in which he refuses to give any answers that contain the letter e. Loses $16,000 when Final Jeopardy! answer (in the category Long Words Having to Do with Money) turns out to be eleemosynary; still wins. Ratings increase...
FEBRUARY. Ken earns seventh million. Wins game during which he manipulates the buzzer only with his toes. ("That was hard," he allows.) Hallmark scores a major success with its line of Be My ValKentine cards. The New York Post reports that Ken has begun seeing Paris Hilton. Ratings continue to climb...
...MARCH. Ken wins eighth million. Production on The Simple Life 3 abruptly canceled when Paris Hilton storms off the set, saying, "My boyfriend says this is stupid and we look stupid and the network wants us to look stupid and everyone who watches us is stupid." Headlines in the National Enquirer report that Ken and his posse were asked to leave the UCLA library after refusing to shush. Becomes butt of criticism when he starts trash talking rivals. "Who cares?," Ken comments. "Right now I'm bigger than Alex." Ratings plateau...