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That isn't true, of course. Funny or Die is a comedy website, and Franco's video is just a spoof. But this speech is so funny that he should have kept his promise and delivered it instead of flitting off to work on Spiderman 7, or one of his short stories, or whatever it was that he considered more important...
...that nonchalance vanished in a heartbeat last week when 2-year-old Shaiunna Hare was strangled to death in her crib by a 9-ft. Burmese python kept as a pet, illegally, in her house near Orlando. (The owner, a live-in boyfriend of Shaiunna's mother, killed the python with a knife as it squeezed the girl, but it was too late.) Suddenly Floridians, and the rest of the country, are paying more sober attention to the warnings of wildlife officials and environmentalists that proliferating pythons are a threat to critical ecosystems like the Everglades as well...
...Affirmation-starved France usually loves global titles of any kind (one big reason French competitors tend to outnumber foreign rivals in quixotic contests like reverse round-the-world solo yachting races and France's annual international plumb-spitting tournaments). But the news that les français had kept their crown as the world's most troublesome tourists provoked a collective Gallic shriek. "The French Are the Worst Tourists on Earth," blared the website for Libération above a story on this year's survey. "Do French Tourists Abroad Do Their Country Honor?" radio-news station France Info asked...
...downloaded a new ringtone onto his phone, of Obama chanting "Yes we can! Yes we can!" As the election results rolled in, Diarra joined the celebrations on Bamako's streets, and changed his ringtone again, to Obama's victory song by Stevie Wonder, "Signed, Sealed, Delivered," which he has kept ever since. His taxi's dashboard is decorated with stickers of Obama's face. And during the hours he spends chugging through Bamako's streets, he has created his own jingles, which he belts out - windows rolled down, fist pumping the air to the rhythm - with a grin...
...There were odd moments as well: acts, including the final number, that didn't work and unexplained delays. In fact, the family's private ceremony at Forest Lawn kept the televised world waiting half an hour past schedule. "I probably lost two inches of height over that [delay]," Phillips said...