Word: ketchup
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...massive change in the social hierarchy of American high schools. But today I'm on standby, and they've got all the seats. So I've spent the last half-hour trying to give one of them food poisoning through mental telepathy. In a country where people eat ketchup-flavored candy (really), I figure my chances are better than average...
...Stage Two, you recognize that this new country, like any other, has its downside. There's the ketchup candy, for instance. Also, Spaniards have a bothersome habit of throwing fruit at you from their window and yelling "Yankee go home, muddafudda!" (really). But in Stage Two you don't get angry, you get concerned. What about American imperialism has angered these vulgar, fruit-throwing Spaniards? Are they mad we stole Antonio Banderas? Seriously, if you want him back, we can have him packed and shipped in under an hour...
...modernization of Shakespeare is a tricky undertaking, and it has been accomplished to greater and (usually) lesser effect in the past, so this movie's opening scene, which involves a small boy sitting at a kitchen table and staging a battle with toy soldiers and ketchup, was cause for some concern. Just as quickly as this context has been established, though, the boy flies through time and space, a la Alice in Wonderland, to the opening historical scene of the play, set in a coliseum. As the film goes on, the boy becomes as the eyes of the audience, observing...
...possible cost-cutting ingredient for school lunches. The soy proposal, which suffered an early demise at the hands of those who opposed Reagan's spending cuts, was also doomed by its association with the President's infamous insistence that as far as school lunchrooms were concerned, ketchup could be considered a vegetable. Today, however, once-skeptical nutritionists are giving soy another chance: Reams of scientific research tout the health benefits of such Thanksgiving newcomers as Tofurky - and the myriad comparable manifestations of the other white protein...
Maybe they saw the kids who flicked the ketchup packets or tossed the bottles at the trench-coat kids in the cafeteria. But things never got out of hand, they say. Evan Todd, the 255-lb. defensive lineman who was wounded in the library, describes the climate this way: "Columbine is a clean, good place except for those rejects," Todd says of Klebold and Harris and their friends. "Most kids didn't want them there. They were into witchcraft. They were into voodoo dolls. Sure, we teased them. But what do you expect with kids who come to school with...