Word: ketchup
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Madison Avenue is also borrowing from that classic American art form, the western. The Gary Cooper of the genre is Heinz ketchup, which single-handed confronts a gang of Brand X baddies on the main street of a lonely cowtown. One of the baddies steps forward, caps come off, bottles upturn; the Brand X bottle soon lies empty in the dust. As the half-full Heinz bottle swaggers off, a sourdough voice brags: "Heinz, the slowest ketchup in the West -East, North and South...
...seemed then that he was always doing bits, was always "on." Friends recall that he would go into a diner, sit next to a little old lady and calmly make a meal out of his paper napkin ?complete with salt, pepper and ketchup. He also liked to knock on strangers' doors and inquire politely, "Is this the party?" Or walk into one door of a Checker cab stopped in traffic and out the other (apologizing to the passenger), or call up relatives and confound them with some uncanny voice impersonation of the rabbi or the neighborhood butcher...
...explaining threatening proving sigh for it all because sigh is the bass note. Sigh for religion and sigh for the irreligious sigh for the relevant, sigh for death and life and sigh for a lack of spice and sigh for a lack of taste and sigh for too much ketchup and sigh for no more cigarettes sigh for biology sigh for bankers sigh for the good old days sigh for the future sigh with dispatch easily naturally inconspicuously oafishily amorally bitterly without emotion sigh on a diet sigh on a toot sigh in your undies sigh in your suit sigh...
...much character--a respectable restaurant for when you don't feel like eating Chinese or French but would like something better than Hazen's. The club sandwiches and the lunch specials will fill you up for under two dollars, including onion rings and French fries and cole slaw--also ketchup, which ZumZum doesn't supply, being strictly German. (Instead they have china pots of mustard cutely labeled "Das Sweet" and "Das Hot".) For supper you can get the usual things, with hot rolls. I tried the filet mignon. Most of the artistry was on the part of the steer...
...moviegoer over the age of 30 has memories of Morocco. Of Humphrey Bogart, explaining his presence in Casablanca: "I came for the waters. I was misinformed." Or Gary Cooper as Beau Geste, with ketchup all over his Foreign Legion tunic, dying bravely in defense of the Late Show and his papier-mâché fort. And there were Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, singing as they set out on the road to Dorothy Lamour...