Word: kissers
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...seems to be resounding with greater frequency around the nation. Anyone who watched Jimmy Carter's Inaugural receptions would think that the entire capital would be down with mononucleosis by now. For a man once regarded as remote behind his barricade of teeth, Carter is a formidable social kisser, somewhat more subdued about it than Lyndon Johnson, but just as relentless. During his Inaugural parties, Carter gave a virtuoso performance, clutching women one-handed or two-handed as he delivered his kisses of greeting...
Timing is crucial if one is to avoid clumsy lurches and even broken teeth. Aim is vitally important. In social kissing, the lips can strike anywhere from behind the ear to the center of the mouth, depending upon the kisser's fervor or sobriety. Sometimes a talent for evasion helps. Shirley Temple Black, just retired as a U.S. diplomat, says that over the years, "I have developed a dart-and-dodge technique to avoid the kiss on the mouth...
...people get rubbed out in the gangland power struggle, but nobody dies. The splurge tommy guns, designed with the help of a gunsmith, shoot a substance that looks like deliquescent marshmallow. If anyone is hit by a fusillade of splurge-or, alternatively, with a custard pie in the kisser-their passing is denoted simply and rather sweetly by a frame freeze of their plastered visage. Ultimately, though, pies and even splurge become harmless in a raucous grand finale that finds the entire cast embroiled in an all-out battle of sweet shooting and pie heaving. No one perishes...
...given that a lot of thought and finally decided that there were times when he wasn't right in his head. And there was never anybody around him to keep him in line. He didn't have anyone on his staff who wasn't an ass kisser. Why, hell, if he'd had his way, he'd have had us in the Third World War and blown up two-thirds of the world...
...since Richard Condon got tired. Matthew Mendelsohn's lies are good lies indeed -grossly outrageous and very funny. There is the lie of the Jewish Miss Universe, the lie of Matthew's buddy's on-the-battlefield commission, the truly evil-minded lie of Rosa the Kisser. Each is an authentic zircon, guaranteed to scratch cheese, free of defects for 90 days, less parts and labor...