Word: kittens
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...such coming-of-age epiphanies as "Lately I've just come to find/That you're not really interested/In my heart or mind." A devout Christian and onetime Tommy Hilfiger model, Hoku--whose name, conveniently, means "star" in Hawaiian--is uncomfortable with the pop star's prescribed role as sex kitten and refuses to flaunt her body to sell more albums. After her concerts, she says, "girls in tears have come up to me and said, 'Thank you so much for making it O.K. for me to not dress trashy to be cool.'" Time to rethink your wardrobe, Britney...
...prime accessory for jazz agers. Hits like Ukulele Lady, Hula Lou and My Little Grass Shack in Kealakekua made the Hawaiian sound, in its perky pop mutation, the hottest "world music" of its time. Nawahi, a showman as much as an artist, aimed to please. He could run through Kitten on the Keys at warp speed, or play Turkey in the Straw on the steel guitar using his foot as the steel...
Listening to his music, I heard the tunes that I would record if I knew how to play guitar. "The sun goes into her room/and catches the dust in flight/and gently warms the mattress/ that Katie's resting on./Carefully she puts down her viola/next to the kitten on her lap/and when she wants to say its name/she remembers it has none./Uh-huh." I cried a cry that only one Joel Stein can cry for the unnamed cat of another Joel Stein...
...through my tears I realized that I'd be a fool to cede my identity on the world's most powerful medium. So I called The Singing Joel Stein to tell him "this means war/so don't let your kitten out the door." Despite my intimidation tactics, he said he wasn't willing to give up the domain name. "You could probably get joelstein.net, he offered, like some sleazy real estate agent trying to sell me a beach house 10 blocks from the ocean. This was shaping up as the greatest fight for personal identity since Senator Paul Simon showed...
...What's Simple Is True." But she rallied her voice for four more songs, closing with a strange rendition of "Who Will Save Your Soul." She broke the song midway to introduce her band as well as some irritating skat-style lyrics which involved her imitating a kitten's meow...