Word: kummer
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...Harvard Varsity Lightweights’ 2004-05 LP, or Lightweight Protocol, Kummer is the “lighter, but by no means lesser” equivalent of the heavies’ Master of Protocol, responsible for ensuring the team’s compliance with the ancient, yet arbitrary constitution of Newell Boathouse. In boathouse religion, he is the high priest; in boathouse justice, he is judge, jury and executioner; in the boathouse’s royal court, he is the honored jester...
...there to make sure people are having fun, going fast, and that the status quo is maintained,” said Kummer, a history concentrator in Currier House and a native of Edgewood...
...continuity of the status quo is paramount, and anything smacking of the impolite or the newfangled runs afoul of protocol, which proscribes that forbidden by precedent, such as tanning on the docks, as well as anything that peeves Kummer...
Most importantly, what is appropriate is defined by Kummer’s arbitrary tastes and preferences.“The LP is definitely capricious, and the LP metes swift, wet and sweet justice, but that doesn’t mean it has to make sense,” said Kummer. “It’s a position that’s rather whimsical and rightfully...
...punishment for displeasing Kummer is simple and consistent, even if what constitutes a transgression isn’t. The sins of wrongdoers are washed away by the cold, dirty waters of the Charles River, the same deity whose favor the team seeks to curry by preserving tradition with a religious zeal. “Tossing people into the Charles, oftentimes that’s a way of cleansing or purging a wayward soul,” said Kummer. “I’m not a Gaelic pantheist, but Newell is hallowed ground, and the Rio Carlos...