Word: lamont
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...Lamont, the Woodberry Poetry Room will become a space-age bachelor pad. It's not far from that already, what with all its dim lighting and lime-green upholstery. Throw in a few lava lamps. replace those retro record players with an expensive sound system and you could really jazz up the place. Who wants to hear recordings of old poets creaking through their greatest hits? In the new Lamont, all the poetry will be read by Barry White...
...give credit where credit's due, Lamont has already taken steps to create a sociable atmosphere. As I'm sure you all know, people from southern climates are much friendlier than those from the frigid north. When it's warm outside, you can relax on the veranda with your friends, sipping sangria and gossiping about your neighbors. Lamont must be striving for a similar tropical atmosphere. Why else would the thermostat always be set on 80? Shed your layers, overprotected Harvard students. It may be freezing outside, but it's sultry within...
...What Lamont needs more than anything else is a coffee bar. Blame Barnes & Noble for initiating the trend, but it's become impossible these days to dissociate books from coffee. Just think how inviting Lamont would be if it had its own espresso machine. I can see it now...Cafe Lamont: open 5 p.m.-midnight on weekdays, 8 p.m.-2 a.m. on weekends. Reserve reading becomes just that much more exciting when you've got a warm cup of java, a pretentious pastry and unlimited free refills. With the opening of Cafe Lamont, Harvard's social scene would improve immensely...
...Lamont could easily find an eager partner for this venture. The aggressive little C'est Bon, which has recently entered an expansionist phase, would probably love to open a concession in the library, thereby paving the way for a C'est Bon in Widener, the History Department's tutorial office and your very own bathroom. If space is an issue, the library could easily accommodate Cafe Lamont by bull-dozing those sketchy fifth-floor classrooms. Who uses them anyway...
Someday soon, people will learn to stop worrying and love Lamont. Slip into something sexy, grab your backpack and hit the stacks. A whole new world awaits...