Word: lampooner
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OUTSIDE THE CASTLE--While capturing for posterity the arborial bliss of the planting of Freedom Tree II, a Crimson photographer was approached by members of the Lampoon. The ever-courteous 'Poonsters generously offered to pose with the sapling: "Want a picture of us giving the tree the finger...
...photographer, always eager to help confused tourists, straightened up and replied, "There used to be another tree standing here--a stately reminder of the glory of nature. But its life was ended by a murderous axe, all because of the Lampoon." The photographer pointed to the Castle...
Last week, these coldhearted executioners once again turned to arboreal assassination. In celebration of Phool's Week--the time of the year when middle-aged Lampoon graduates take time off from their jobs as writers for "Babes" and "Rick Dees' Into the Night" to drink grain alcohol and force new recruits to "assume the position"--'Poonsters poisoned the soil in front of their "Castle," an architectural atrocity former Cambridge Mayor Alfred E. Vellucci has rightfully dubbed a "public urinal." The defouled dirt was inteded to hold the seedlings for Freedom Tree II, an innocent flora-to-be nipped...
...ideal world, the Lampoon would show more respect for the well-being of life forms more intelligent than most of its members. (Well, not exactly. In a truly ideal world, the Lampoon would stop littering our campus with inane drivel and go into a more respectable business. Organized crime, perhaps...
...world is not ideal, and the Lampoon has proven incapable of listening to reason time and time again. Drastic measures are in order...