Word: lampooner
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...Lampoon: staffers blow off classes to inhale nitrous oxide, get high, drink beer and think humorous thoughts...
...resting in the posh basement office retained for the highly influential post of Ibis of the Harvard Lampoon, still cursing myself for failing to massage the buttocks of enough people to guarantee my presidency of the humor magazine, I was disturbed by the incessant noise of our galley-slave dragging his lead ball and chains ever closer to my door...
...magazines whom I had told that I was a shoo-in for the presidency. They all tended to read the same: "Dear Mr. Oakley, you told us you were going to be president, but we hear that you were absent-minded and forgot where you placed $100,000 of Lampoon money. Thanks for your interest in our publication, but we don't care how prestigious your organization is. If you can't even massage enough buttocks to gain the presidency, we don't need you working for us. Thanks for your time. Now get lost...
...Dear blank", "thank you for your interest blank", "thanks for your time blank", and "now get lost blank"--except for the handwritten note at the end of the letter, which read "as a result of your application Mr. Blank, we have decided to stop hiring graduates of the Harvard Lampoon until your publication can show that it is capable of producing people who are both funny and can massage Mr. Letterman's buttocks...
...letter was a tiny envelope with stamps from countries I had never heard of. It was addressed to Wilhelm Orkley, but I assumed it was for me. The return address said it was from some place called Stanford. Having never heard of Stanford, I took the letter to the Lampoon's special Opening Letters That May Contain Bombs Room and soaked it in lamb's vomit before opening it. (For those of you not familiar with the Lampoon, I should explain that we are so rich, we have rooms for everything, and we have such wild parties, that we almost...