Word: lasses
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Dates: during 1950-1959
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...Auld Hornie, nae sooner is the lad in Oban than he spies a paughty lass wi' a weel-rounded doup. Och. but when he attempts to hae a crack wi' her, she snashes him back an' ca's him nae mair than a bluntie blellum. The neist lass he meets is a scroggie auld scaul' that snowks him out for a slidd'ry jaukiner from Ireland bent on houghmagandie (or waur), an' she gaes scraichin' to the bobbie...
...hummin' an' hankerin' at ilka Scottish hizzie that leuks as if she griens a kiutle. Hoch aye, what a collie-shangie! As the fourth day daws, the great ram-feezled bairn gaes spracklin' back to Beigg, ye ken, in a wee drunt. But the primsie lass he left behind shakes her cockernony at him and soon pits some rumble-gumption...
...Mark Lass, plump, solemn and 61, claimed he had been a Red general. His brother Boris, 64, he said, was a concert violinist and had been the Soviet Union's top art official in the early 19205. They left Russia for Japan in 1926, taking with them 200 "masterpieces" collected by their mother. Settling finally in Manhattan, they became naturalized citizens in 1945. By then their collection totaled some 280 canvases, which they valued at about $25 million, included paintings with such signatures as Gauguin, Van Gogh, Soutine, Cezanne and Monet. But money was running out. Nine months...
Warned by the Better Business Bureau, police forwarded photos of two Lass "Picassos" to Picasso himself, and the master labeled both fakes. Museum experts declared the older pictures largely student efforts, with signatures clumsily painted in. The Lasses stood firm under fire, protesting that an international art cartel was out to get them. But the brothers' own art tastes seemed confused. "Picasso," said Mark Lass, "is a mere cartoonist." But when he was asked how much he would take for one of his "Picassos," he answered: "I would not sell under half a million dollars. I would destroy instead...
...fact, it seemed possible that their prospective customers were shrewder than the bumbling brothers. For in the nine months the Re-Mi Gallery was open, the Lass brothers did not sell a single picture...