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...star Terrell Owens swears he's fine after what police said was a suicide attempt and he said was an allergic reaction. His trainer said he'll be back up and trashing his teammates in no time." JAY LENO...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Punchlines: Oct. 9, 2006 | 10/1/2006 | See Source »

...leader of Hizballah says he's throwing a victory party in honor of their 'victory' over Israel. Well, that should be fun--a party thrown by Muslim extremists. 'Turn off the music! And no girls!'" JAY LENO...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Punchlines: Oct. 2, 2006 | 9/24/2006 | See Source »

Well, kind of. The pilot of 30 Rock (Wednesdays, 8 p.m. E.T.; debuts Oct. 11) has a scene in which the writers challenge an actor to do impressions--Jay Leno, Jerry Seinfeld, Ray Romano. "There's a new promo [for Studio 60] that NBC showed me," Fey says, "and someone in it was saying, 'Show me your Tom Cruise.' I said, 'Oh! I guess there is a little overlap...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Do Not Adjust Your Set | 9/18/2006 | See Source »

...Senate Intelligence Committee has released a report saying there's no evidence that Saddam Hussein had a relationship with al-Qaeda. Thank God we found that out now before we did something crazy." JAY LENO...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Punchlines: Sep. 25, 2006 | 9/17/2006 | See Source »

...Mexico, drillers just discovered what could turn out to be the largest oil reserve ever. It could boost U.S. oil reserves by 50% and supply us with nearly 15 billion barrels of gas and oil. Bush heard about the discovery and ordered the immediate invasion of Louisiana." JAY LENO...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Punchlines: Sep. 18, 2006 | 9/10/2006 | See Source »

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