Word: lifeguards
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During the dance, one couldn’t help wondering if the future president of the free world might be the guy doing the jerk in lifeguard attire, or one of the girls doing the hokey-pokey to Lady Gaga...
Adams House has a history of creatively cracking down on undesirable non-residents: last semester, Adams resident Vincent M. Chiappini '09, perched atop a stolen lifeguard chair, used a bullhorn to call out non-residents in the dining hall...
That effort was sadly halted when the MAC had HUPD return their lifeguard chair. But fear not, for rumors abound that the chair may be making a return to Adams...
...before strapping a whistle around their neck. Make coaches carry a concussion card that shows they're aware of the risks and aren't idiotic enough to unleash two 8-year-old heads on each other. "If you're going to coach football, you should be trained - like a lifeguard sitting over a swimming pool learning CPR," says Turley, the former NFL offensive lineman and concussion-prevention advocate. "Because that's what they are - they're lifeguards...
...seat belts and motorcycle helmets, forced retirement savings through Social Security, waiting periods for marriage and gun licenses. Though you're not hurting anyone else, you can't commit suicide, have sex with your dog, drink in public, do drugs, be a prostitute, swim at a beach without a lifeguard, eat unpasteurized cheese or do most things that are crucial to the plot of independent movies. (See the 10 worst-dressed world leaders...